


Once Upon A Time

by lyricalentropy



Category: DCU, DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Alternate Universe - Disney, Gen, M/M, Men in Dresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-28
Updated: 2012-02-28
Packaged: 2017-10-31 21:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalentropy/pseuds/lyricalentropy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's generally considered common sense not to anger a Trickster.</p><p>Written for AU Bingo, prompt: other/Disney.</p><p>"Rayner, we are tiny woodland creatures"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon A Time

“...Have I told you how much I hate you yet?” The question was either directed at the small, red lizard/dragon on Kyle’s shoulder, the cricket that seemed to be following him around, or Jason. Though it was also possible he was talking to the _army_ currently chasing them, but chances are they couldn’t hear anything he had to say over their loud yells for blood.

“And here I thought we were best friends,” Jason retorted with a snort, turning back to shoot at the quickly advancing Hun soldiers. “How was I supposed to know the fucker would take the ribbing so personally? Or that he wasn’t as much of a pussy as he looked?”

“How about firing the explosives at the _army_? I’m pretty sure that goes under the category of _stupid ideas that’ll get us killed_!”

Jason rolled his eyes and chose to ignore the Green Lantern running alongside him for now. It really _wasn’t_ his fault. Well, not really anyways. It wasn’t his fault he’d gotten stuck with Kyle and separated from Donna and Bob. It wasn’t his fault they’d ended up on some weirdass world where some idiot calling himself the Trickster had taken offense to being referred to as some psycho wannabe-villain freak, and it definitely wasn’t his fault that this Trickster guy, and really who called themselves the _Trickster_ , that was just begging to be mocked, seemed to have more powers than he let on...and sent him and Kyle to this fucked up place...And okay, maybe the army chasing them was kinda his fault, but Kyle _did_ tell him the point of this movie, since it seemed like that’s where the Trickster felt like sending them, was to kill the Hun leader. Well, mission accomplished.

“So _Mulan_ , the guy’s dead, what the hell are we supposed to do now?” And really, he didn’t get why Kyle was so pissed off. Sure, the guy had to pretend to be a girl pretending to be a guy, but it’s not like he _wasn’t_ actually a guy. Well, physically at least. Jason had his doubts about the rest of him.

“You’re the Captain, or General, or whatever, why don’t you try coming up with the plans?” Kyle made a pained look and shook his head as he used his ring to create a giant snowman to hold the advancing soldiers back. “Nevermind, I don’t _want_ you making the plans. They'd probably involve a lot of explosions and more people chasing us."

It probably explained a lot about Jason that he’d never seen a Disney movie, though it did fall on Kyle to explain the ridiculous storylines to Jason. And since they _were_ stuck in what appeared to be _Mulan_ , it seemed like playing out the movie was the best idea...What else were they supposed to do? At least Jason wasn’t there when the crazy ladies where trying to make him look pretty so he could attract a ‘good husband.’ He was pretty sure it should have been clear once he was naked that if he married some guy, there was going to be more scandal than honor. Though it seemed like they didn’t notice. Weird.

“I just did what you said. And if I wasn’t supposed to blow anything up, why were there explosives lying around?” Flawless logic, as far as Jason was concerned.

Kyle opened his mouth to retort, then slowed from a sprint to a slow jog and he thought back to the movie’s ending. Oh come on, no way! Except...the Trickster did seem to want revenge for the mocking, and what better way than to embarrass Jason as much as possible? And of course Kyle was caught up in the whole giant mess. Great.

Sighing he ringed up a winged dragon and hopped on, motioning for Jason to follow his lead.

“...This isn’t the end of the movie. Are you ready to meet my parents?”

_________________________________________________________

Jason didn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have since he seemed to be waking up. And for whatever reason, he seemed to be completely drenched. He didn’t remember that either. What he _did_ remember was getting sucked into some weird Disney cartoon movie thing, or some shit like that, and having to meet Kyle/Mulan’s family, who seemed to want the two of them to shack up. And the old lady had grabbed his ass. He shuddered at the thought of both those horrible idea. But he was waking up now, so maybe this entire thing was some crazy dream his mind had whipped up because his life clearly didn’t suck enough already.

He clearly spoke too soon, since as soon as he opened his eyes he wished he was back with the army chasing him.

“...Kyle, what the fuck are you wearing?” At least Kyle had the decency to look embarrassed, and he _did_ try to cover himself up, but considering the other man was basically wearing a seashell bikini top and nothing else, it didn’t really do much. He tried to ignore the fishy bottom half. It was harder than it looked.

“I don’t suppose if I mention we’re on _The Little Mermaid_ now you’d know what i was talking about?” The blank look on Jason’s face was enough of an answer, and he sighed as he thought about the best way to put this.

“Okay, so Ariel, that’s who I’m supposed to be, is the daughter of the king of the sea folk or something, and she’s fascinated with the humans. You’re supposed to be some human prince or important person, you get into a shipwreck, fall into the sea, and Ariel saves you.” He paused to shoot an amused grin at Jason’s dripping clothes. “You’re welcome, by the way. Long story short, since I don’t have a lot of time here, I theoretically fall in love with you, make a deal with a sea witch to be turned human and if I get you to kiss me then I get to stay human or something like that. I’m fuzzy on the details. If not, she drags me back to the ocean, turns me to some kelp thing, and shit goes down. Except my/Ariel’s dad takes my place and you and I end up having to face the sea witch.” Wow, saying it out loud made this movie sound even stupider.

“Oh, and I forgot to mention, the sea witch steals my voice and then shows up with it pretending she’s the mermaid that saved you, since you supposedly only heard my voice. Any questions?”

“Only a couple. Can I let the witch keep your voice? You’d be a lot less annoying if you couldn’t talk. And why the hell did you watch this shit in the first place?”

Kyle began to retort, getting a line out about his mother liking them before the tell-tale noises of approaching people started approaching.

“Just remember what I told you, okay? I won’t be able to talk the next time I see you, and it’s weird enough having to breath underwater as it is.”

As Kyle swam away, Jason couldn’t help noticing, that once the initial shock and amusement had worn off, that Kyle wasn’t half bad to look at. Even as a half fish wearing a seashell bikini. He blamed the thought on the almost drowning he apparently suffered.

_________________________________________________________

“I can’t believe you did that!” In Jason’s opinion, Kyle was overreacting. He hadn’t been _planning_ on kissing Kyle, point of the movie or not, but then the fish had started _singing_ and fuck that. If he had to choose between singing fish and kissing Kyle Rayner then he’d take the lesser of two evils. At least Rayner wasn’t all that horrible to kiss. Not that he’d admit it.

“What? That was the way to break the spell or whatever, right? And it got us out of there.” He paused to take a look around, and couldn’t help the burst of laughter that escaped him at the sight of Kyle’s new outfit. “Nice harem pants, Rayner.”

And that was really the only way to describe what Kyle was wearing. A pair of blue harem pants and a matching blue top that only covered slightly more than his previous seashell bikini top, with a blue headband placed on the other man’s head. Jason was also beginning to doubt the Trickster’s sexuality, because really, no straight man-thing should _ever_ want Rayner to dress like a girl. Especially a girl in skimpy clothing. Even if he didn’t look as bad as Jason would have thought.

“Okay, seriously? Why am _I_ always the woman? I thought the Trickster was angry at you, not me.”

“Maybe it thought you were a girl. You’re mostly there anyways.”

“...I’m so tempted to just let the palace guards take you.”

“What palace guar...” Jason was cut off as heavily armored guards started pouring from every corner of the streets, surrounding him with their scimitars pointed at his throat. Not for the first time, he wished he had his weapons, but there was nowhere on the damn _mini-vest_ he had on to conceal _anything_. He glared at Kyle expectantly, waiting for the other man to call the guards off.

“Thank goodness you’re here, you won’t believe how disrespectful this street rat has been. Please take him away.”

Oh Rayner was so going to get it.

**************Internal Scene Change Alert****************

As far as places he’d been held captive, this particular cell wasn’t really all that bad. The guards hadn’t even tried to beat him up, and really, what kind of guards _didn’t_ beat up the prisoners? Oh right, stupid cartoon ones. That didn’t mean he was any less pissed off at Kyle.

At least if he had his toys he’d be able to break himself out. Hell, even though he didn’t he’d normally be able to make _something_ , but this stupid cell didn’t even have any loose wires. They didn’t even _give him a bed_. What kind of messed up operation were these guys running? He was almost beginning to miss the singing fish. _Almost_.

“If you’re close to the window, step back.” Now he was even hallucinating the idiot’s voice out of boredom. If he _had_ to hallucinate someone, why couldn’t it have been Donna? At least she had a nice rack.

“If you’re sleeping, it’s not my fault.” ...Okay, that wasn’t a hallucination. He barely had time to scramble back before the wall burst in in a flash of green light, revealing Kyle, still dressed in the same clothes as earlier, though they seemed to be a bit torn up. He didn’t care that Rayner looked a bit worse for wear himself.

“What the hell was the point of getting me thrown in here if you were just gonna bust me out?” Kyle shrugged and offered Jason a hand up, one he ignored without a second thought.

“The next part of the movie was easier without you. You would have gotten us into more trouble than we needed.” Which wasn’t to say it wouldn’t have been a little less of a pain on _his_ end if he had a little backup in that cave. And it was taking a lot out of him to keep up the construct he’d left in his stead, but it was a small price to pay to keep the lamp out of Jason’s hands.

“Kyle...what the fuck is that?” He glanced over to look at what Jason was pointing at, and turned an innocent grin back at him.

“That? It’s just Carpet. He’s magic. And flies. He’s also our ride so hop on. We have a villain to trap in a lamp.”

***************More Internal Scene Changing, because Aladdin is a LONG MOVIE************

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” Once he got his hands on that Trickster, he was going to tear him to little tiny pieces with his bare hands. And then he was hunting down everyone who had a part in these stupid movies and doing the same.

“I wish I was. I think I prefer Jafar.”

“I’m _not_ marrying you. I don’t give a fuck if it’s a movie, or a hallucination, or whatever the fuck this is.”

“At least it can’t be any worse than the magic carpet musical numb...” Kyle was cut off by a gun cocked in his direction.

“We will _never_ speak of that again. On pain of _death_.” Kyle rolled his eyes and pushed the gun aside. If Jason _actually_ shot him, his ring would probably be fast enough to stop the bullet. Probably.

“I still can’t believe you used one of the wishes on your _guns_.”

“I can’t believe the stupid carpet caught you when I pushed you off.” Of course the stupid Lantern could fly with his ring anyways, but that wasn’t the point.

“Look at it this way, do you _want_ to be stuck here with Genie? I think he has a crush on you.”

Jason looked back at the awaiting Genie, back at Kyle, then scowled as he grabbed his hand and dragged him forward.

________________________________________________________________

Kyle probably _should_ be a little annoyed at the burning remains of the castle behind him, but he found he really didn’t care. He _did_ , however, knock the gun from Jason’s hand as he shot it _yet again_.

“Stop shooting the tiny woodland creatures.”

“Rayner, we _are_ tiny woodland creatures. Do you see this fucking _tail_?”

“You’re not the only one. At least you don’t have to wear a dress. _Again_.” He shook his head and scowled at the full length dress he had on. He even had _heels_. Fucking Trickster.

“Whatever. So we blew up the castle, which, let me just add, was a lot easier with my guns. _Especially_ the rocket launcher. Who wasted a wish now, huh?”

“Technically I just said you had to get rid of the evil guy in charge, but as long as it gets the job done, I really don’t care how you do it.”

“Shouldn’t we be done by now?” Kyle sighed and rubbed at his head in mild annoyance.

“I think we have to get married again.”

“...I hate you.”

____________________________________________________________

This time was a bit different from the other times, in the sense that when Jason came to, Kyle wasn’t anywhere around. Which was a relief for all of about 30 seconds until he realized he had no fucking clue what to do to get out of this place. And just as proof that the universe loved him, there were even _more_ tiny, cute woodland creatures here.

Well fuck, at least shooting them was therapeutic.

************************************************************************

It was surprisingly easier than he thought it would be to figure out what to do. Probably because there really wasn’t anything around other than the huge-ass castle completely covered in vines. That and as soon as he got closer he was assaulted by some ridiculous tiny women calling themselves fairies. He was _about_ to shoot them, but they started giving him pretty decent information.

Not that he _liked_ what he heard, but at least he knew what he was supposed to do now. Probably. Fuck, he never thought he’d miss having Kyle around. At least then he could mock the guy for wearing a dress. (He purposely didn’t focus on the fact that without Donna around and the constant need to one-up each other, he didn’t feel the urge to shoot the Green Lantern as much. Only slight maiming.)

Getting through the vines wasn’t all that hard. He probably cheated a bit by setting the vines on fire, but like he gave a fuck. The cartoons weren’t gonna sue him. Actually this entire rescue thing was kinda a bore. All he had to do was fight some old lady, and he was home free.

And speak of the devil, that was probably the said old lady now.

“I thought you’d be bigger.” It would have been nice to know the witch could turn into a fucking _dragon_. Maybe he’d shoot the fairies after all.

**************************************************************

If it was possible to marry an inanimate object, Jason would have gotten hitched to his rocket launcher so fast, even the Flash wouldn’t have been able to beat him. Because seriously? There was no problem that couldn’t be solved with a rocket launcher. Not even a weird dragon witch lady. He glanced back at the smoking mound of flesh behind him and smirked. _Especially_ not a dragon witch lady.

The tiny pests hadn’t been too specific on this part here, but supposedly Kyle was being held in the tower and he had to wake him up. Easy enough. He navigated the rest of the stairs and pushed the door open.

And of _course_ Rayner was in another dress. At least he was unconscious. His favorite type of Green Lantern. And now he got to wake him up.

Punching Kyle was fun for the first half hour or so, and then it just got annoying. Well _fuck_ , how else was he supposed to wake the idiot? Usually in the other worlds he just needed to marry the asshole or kiss him or somethi...Oh come on, there’s no way they made a movie where you had to _kiss_ someone awake. That was just the stupidest idea he’d ever heard.

...At least the idiot was asleep, so it’s not like he could _see_ him if this didn’t work. ...And it’s not like Rayner was _all_ that bad looking. He leaned down and kissed Kyle’s sleeping figure, and hey, without having to worry about the Lantern being awake he could just focus on the kiss, and it really wasn’t half bad...And then Kyle’s eyes blinked open and Jason pulled away quickly, making a show of wiping his mouth.

Kyle was shooting him an unreadable look, but the background was fading behind them and reforming into the warehouse they were in before this entire mess and Jason was too busy being relieved it was all over and done with to focus on the other man.

Which was why it came as a shock when Kyle came up to him, a little close for comfort, and sent him a look that was a mixture of confusion and amusement.

“You know, only true love’s kiss is supposed to wake up the princess.”

...Well fuck.


End file.
